This is my truth, tell me yours...

Moment of Clarity

2007-01-31T00:43:00.000+08:00

Time doesn't actually heals all wounds.

Time helps you get used to whatever pain you're going through.

Teaches you to be numb.

- Stateless. -

Bit, bitter, bitterness

2006-12-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

"Why are you so chippy about that? If that didn't happen, you probably won't be where you are right now. That experience made you, isn't it time you moved on?"

Well, yes and no.

Yes, it could be said that it's time to move on from the bitterness of the break and I am obviously moving on. But the healing isn't complete. So, no, it's not yet time to move on completely.

I'm just a kid having fun, but so long as the bitterness is there and the boredom does not set in, this show is worth catching.

Besides, a bit of bitterness is what gives the meal its edge.

- One day, I'll be far too confident to bother with bitterness, someday I won't be so self- consciously Teepsee about everything. -

In disbelief

2006-10-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

Twenty - seven sticks of cigarettes.

Two tablets of unprescribed meds.

Eleven shots of tequila.

Four glasses of Vodka- Redbull.

Five (Or was it six? I lost count. Haha!) bottles of my fave beer.

One massive asthma attack.

Six days on a hospital bed.

Thank God I'm still alive.

*Sighs*

- Okay, this one's really senseless. I just can't put into words what I really want to say. Geez, I'm still in awe. -

Beautiful awakening

2006-09-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

I'm Not Missing You - Stacie Orrico

Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
'Cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be, he decides to cheat

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Cryin' and cheatin', the foolin' around

But I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and the hoping you'd call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing, I'm not missing you

It's a shame in a way 'cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

No, I can't be with you
'Cause I'm scared felt like
I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person that I could be
Love's good when it's right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life
I'm not missing you.

- Okay, so I got the new Stacie Orrico cd. Good pop music, man. See, I don't always talk about house music, I know how to appreciate other genres. Hehehe =p

This track is one of my faves. Kept singing it the whole day. Can totally relate to it, don't ask.

My mood's a bit better now, still pissed but not that pissed. If you know what I mean =)

Thanks to that person who keeps on making me smile for the past few days. Yeah, you make me feel good. -

Argh!

2006-09-26T05:46:00.000+08:00

I just feel like smashing your face right now.

You're so frickin' immature, so f*ckin' insecure.

What do you still want from me anyway?

Reality check; if it wasn't for me, you won't be having that smile on your face, believe me.

The next time I want to see you, is to be on the wheel of a forklift truck going 200kph.

Yeah, that would be ideal.

- Pissed and stoked -

Go on, jump!

2006-09-18T07:23:00.000+08:00

"Why live or even settle with what you have when you can have so much? C'mon, do something. We both know that it's all a risk. There's always something that we should take to see what lies for us beyond our fears."

"Okay, so I've given myself a deadline. If nothing happens by the end of this month, I'm going to tell that person everything, and I mean everything that I've been through all these months, and I guess that's that, y'know.

Then I'll know after that, there's a bigger chance for me to move on with my life. I mean, at least I've taken the risk of being hurt one last time just to show that person what I really feel. And that's, that... I hope.

At least I can tell myself that I've done everything that I could. And still, if it doesn't work, then at least there will be no more 'what ifs' for me."

- Pathetic. [Sighs] And I thought you were special.-

She's back!

2006-09-13T19:02:00.000+08:00

Party people, listen up!

First Light Events Group and Motorola present:

House of Om : DJ Colette

September 23, 2006
Teatrino at The Promenade, Greenhills
10PM

Also featuring DJ Anton Ramos (The Chill Out Project)

Tickets at Php 400 with one free drink.

For more details, call 857-6541.

Check out her website: www.djcolette.com

- Care to join me kids? =p -

Party Amplified

2006-08-31T23:51:00.000+08:00

It’s time for something fresh.
It’s time for something new.
It’s time to test your taste.

Jack Daniel’s, the world’s best whiskey, and Big Ben Collective, Manila's Taste Makers, give you a distinctive party experience.

Friends of Jack and BBC present: DJ Treva Whateva
One of the finest DJs from the world’s most respected Funk and Soul label: Ninja Tune.

Treva Whateva brings his own brand of rhythm-driven beats to blow the roof off Manila as he whips out eclectic work from his Music’s Made of Memories LP. Let's make some memories in the company of good friends, with quality music and the World’s Best Whiskey.

September 8, 2006 (Friday)
Fiamma Bar and Restaurant (Jupiter St., Bel- Air Makati) 9pm

Also featuring: a SouLounge set by BBC's Mike Constantino.

For inquiries, email info@bbcmanila.com.
Visit: www.ninjatune.net.

- Will blog more... later? =p -

One good senseless post

2006-08-07T02:13:00.000+08:00

After three weeks of busting my ass off at work, I just feel like ranting....

In anything creative, it’s trial and error. People who don’t work in the creative end think that it’s all a whole lot more planned out than it is. But really it’s informed experiment – experimenting, but with a lot of experience. The theory being that you know that a lot of things won’t work out, but you try to narrow your experiments down so that you work in a reasonably narrow band where things have a good shot at succeeding.

Around me, it is understood that if you work with people who are artists and writers, you might be able to enhance, but you can’t change what’s fundamentally there. It’s ridiculous to try and impose whatever you’re getting that’s interesting from them. It’s our own formula, so don’t mess with it. You can’t do a top down accountant’s job on your writer’s method, or insist that while she’s still in the office, her nose is attached permanently to the word processor. If your writer has only four hours’ worth of creative energy in the tank, that’s all you’re going to get, no point in trying to get more.

Okay, so I have a short attention span, but people who live off their wits create themselves as they go along. “Creative” can be shorthand for “I couldn’t be bothered to do this and wanted to watch TV.” Often people who are too lazy to use their intelligence are creative. Often people who don’t have a work ethic are creative. But they work within that. A short attention span can be interpreted as not being clever, but sometimes it’s absolutely the opposite. The girl in class who can’t sit still is often the one who’s so clever she’s thinking, “I can’t sit in here all day, I’ve got to get up and do something.” In my case, it’s the magpie mind flitting from thing to thing.

Y'see, to get the best out of creative people, you take them at their own pace and you don’t burn them out. You remain sensitive to how much they can take.

These days, I work with people who understand what makes me tick, but it still rankles that some don’t.

- Elegantly wasted. -

Still, when you're strange

2006-07-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

Earlier this year, during my darker days of excess, I had another story reminiscent of ghostly occurrences in my mum’s bar. This one's totally unforgettable, not just because it happened overseas, but because I nearly lost my mind after my encounter with them. Think I'm exaggerating?
Well, read on...

I’d moved into a house with a friend of mine, when things started to happen. The music would come on upstairs for no reason. Then there were windows shutting and closing, doing daft things, and then the Banham locks started shutting, closing. The Banham locks…..

Do you get the sheer impossibility of Banham locks moving on their own?

Then tables would move in front of me. Furniture would move around. People would run up and down stairs and it got to the point at night where they were running around the bottom of my bed. Now, these may be delusions, drug- induced psychosis or whatever because I was pissed a lot at the time. But anyway, the friend would say, “Don’t be silly, go to sleep”, but I couldn’t, so I’d take a bottle of vodka to bed with me to get to sleep and sleeping tablets. Then I’d wander around the house with the bottle going, “Come on yer daft bashtards, yer don’t shcare me”, because nothing scares you when you’re pissed. It got to the point when they were running around my bed one night and I said, “I’m going, I’m off”.

I thought they were in the air each time I went down to the pub. Anyway, I went and left and stayed at the Swiss Cottage Marriott Hotel.

I was telling the story to a new friend I met in a bar, a good friend now.

“If it had stayed with me, I would have had to kill myself, it was that bad.”

The friend just looked at me blankly. I thought, “Okay, he thinks I’m a nutcase. Go on, say something.”

But he just looked at me, and then finally he said,

“I didn’t suffer it for two weeks, I suffered it for seven years and it put me in a coma. What did you say you did? Me too. I moved out and I went to the Swiss Cottage Marriott Hotel."

Creepy.

It emerged that my friend had been staying in the same road. It was some land the Duke of Westminster had bought off the church. It turned out to have a Black Death burial site underneath it.

- Next stop, the lady from the vacant lot. But first, ciggy break. -

When you're strange

2006-07-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

It’s fairly obvious to those who know me that I have a somewhat strange relationship with the opposite sex. Then again, those who know me well might point out that I also have a strange relationship with those of my own sex. I also have a strange relationship with my dog. This often leads me to wonder if I might myself be somewhat strange; (but then one mustn’t leap to hasty conclusions) for I have a really strange relationship with the supernatural.

Susceptible to paranormal, you might say.

When I was three or four, I’d say things to my mum like, “There’s that lady in the bathroom again”. There was no- one Mum could see. Then I’d say, “She’s gone.”

One classic story from that period (which I don’t remember much of) took place in the restaurant/ pub my mum used to manage.

Mum describes me and my dad (bless him) being downstairs in the closed pub one time as he was taking me to my aunt’s. From the corridor there was a window into the bar, which was locked. I looked through the glass and said, “What are those two men doing still in the bar?”

Dad went along with it. “Just drinking.”

“I don’t like them,” I said. My expression was startled.

“Well, wave goodbye to them because we’re going to Tita Lyn’s.”

I waved at the empty room and the men apparently waved back.

“Dad, they haven’t got any hands…”

It made the hairs stand out on the back of my father’s neck. But Mum says that Dad was convinced I was not play acting.

-To be continued.-

Flavor of the weak

2006-07-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

From the usual Wednesday- night walk with Johnny Black:

“What? Since when? I’m pathetic, a bitter pisshead. How can you fall for someone like that?”

I practically barfed the questions, the awkwardness of the situation set off the panic button. I found myself again as the object of an urgent plea.

“I’m a loser, and spiteful, much like a hermit, only without the loincloth.”

I was blubbering, trying hard to get out or maybe even defuse the situation with humor. You smiled for two seconds, and then looked at me.

Sabay banat nang…….

“I’m not asking you to love me; I just want you to be in love with me.”

Nahulog ako sa upuan.

Fantastic.

-Stoked.-

Effing mood

2006-07-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

I know, I'm in a mess, a liability.

At one level, you could say that I successfully dropped my super- clean character by getting a drink and drug problem. But at another, it was obvious that this was not part of any kind of strategy; as I’d pop my head up from beneath the bar table and garble something incoherent. My buddies knew I was a sad girl, pretending to be a girl, really because when I was sober, I was a sensitive vulnerable individual.

When I smash things up, there is usually a reason. When you find me wandering around your house at six in the morning on various cocktails of drugs, there is usually a reason too. It’s not just because I wanted to party, often it’s because I’ve snapped under the strain, and maybe even disturbed.

From the outside it’s easy to see; “spoilt, pampered kid throwing wobbler” but I’m hearing alarm bells. There’s a difference between a prat acting like a rockstar, and a sensitive person going into meltdown. To the outsider like you, it may look the same: the archetypal egomaniacal bitch having her daily tantrum. But actually dude, there’s a difference.

Y’see, when I’m half- pickled, it helps me survive and it stops me addressing the real issues.

So, please man, let me be.

I appreciate the efforts but no, you can’t save me.

- Chacun à son gout -

World Cup, Wimbledon and something to look forward to

2006-07-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

Photo: Associated Press

"Germany won the World Cup in Italy and now we have come here and won it." - Fabio Cannavaro, July 9, 2006

Italy beat France 5-3 in a penalty shoot-out to win the World Cup after an absorbing 1-1 draw in Berlin.

I feel bad for Team France especially for Zinedine Zidane. Man, what's wrong with you?

It was not meant to end like this for one of the game's legendary figures - sent from the world's biggest stage in shame and into retirement.

France dominated the game overall and should have won. Oh well.

.

2006-07-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

Photo: Associated Press

Roger Federer won his fourth successive Wimbledon title and buried a few demons by beating Rafael Nadal.

He really showed that on grass, he is streets ahead of everyone else.

Galing talaga.

..

2006-07-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

Photo: Disney Online

Captain Jack Sparrow is back at may date kami tomorrow night.

Sino gusto maging chaperone? Hehehe.

- Stoked. –

Wanna see what's inside a go- see?

2006-07-05T16:50:00.000+08:00

I love what I do.

I get to see beautiful people, ogle them and talk to them, all in the name of so- called journalism.

I sit down and wait for fine specimens of humanity to walk in. One of the first to arrive is a guy named Chris and his friend Derek. Derek is an American, with jet- black hair and deep set eyes, his voice is just as compelling as his looks are. Chris had longish, F4-esque hair; he plops himself into a sofa and passes the minutes chatting Derek up.

The other models arrive. Some are scrumptious, some have the X- factor (a term so common in the modeling world and yet, no one can really give an accurate definition), some are elegant; some are pants- dropping gorgeous. A few of them puzzle me, however. I wonder, "How in the name of all that is holy, did you become a model?" But I resist. All of them are taller than me, and can very easily beat me to a bloody pulp with one swift kick of their designer boots or stilettos. Plus, I admit it; this is one business where style counts more than substance.

I digress. The waiting room for this go- see (the term used by the modeling industry to refer to an audition) quickly fills up. The call time is 2:30, but even after 3:30 PM, steady trickles of hopefuls still find their way into the office. Everyone must fill up a little slip of paper asking for their name, contact number and agency if any. Most of the models tote their portfolios and comp cards (postcards with a collage of their photos), and are dressed to the nines. The girls are more elegant than the guys, who seem to be clad in either suits or grubby jeans.

The minutes tick by, and everyone becomes more and more impatient. Some of them, like Chris and Derek, have been here since the call time. It's now past 4 PM and the tiny waiting room slowly but surely fills up with hot air, both literally and figuratively. I spot a delicious looking fella named Sean, bespectacled and in a tight, gray cotton shirt and black trousers. He's tall, with baby- soft hair and a smile that should come with a warning label. I give him a questionnaire to fill out, and his voice drips like forbidden honey. "Do you have a pen?” he asks. Silently, I fish one out of my bag and hand it to him.

I move down the line, a look of dreamy content plastered over my face as I hand the rest of them the same questionnaire. So for the next 20 minutes, I’m adrift in a sea of my own estrogen.

Female models idly read magazines, touch- up their make- up, look at their nails or chat with each other. Most of these faces are familiar, seen in TV adverts or print- ads or maybe even one or two ramp shows.

I’d finally gotten the image of Sean-With-The-Baby-Soft-Hair out of my mind when he taps me on the shoulder, and hands me his questionnaire.

With regards to this questionnaire, I have to say that God is just. Whatever you lack in one department, He showers you with excessively in another. Half an hour later, and most of them are on question number three. Four ask me if they can e-mail or fax it instead because the questions are too hard. I glance at the paper again, bewildered at their responses. Did I ask about the Pythagorean Theorem? The solution to an X- file? The teachings of Lao Tzu? Hardly.

Well, at least there’s still justice in this world.

Two hours have passed and finally, the clients are ready to view their prospects. One by one they come in and walk a total of maybe 10 feet. Some hand in their portfolios and set cards, but more often than not, they aren’t even glanced at. With a nod and a thank you, they’re dismissed.

Hmm, two hours’ wait and all you do is walk 10 feet, then leave. Did I fail to mention on this particular afternoon that it’s raining outside and the hellish traffic has started to build up?

I’ll say it again – I love what I do.

- Stoked. -

::.. Remission ..::

2006-07-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

A fundraising event for a friend, DJ Benjo Marquez and Carewell Community (www.carewellcommunity.org) that will also feature the World Cup Semifinals. So come and have a blast at this two in one event with heaps of music to take you through the night.

July 5, 2006
Fiama
Jupiter St. Bel- Air Makati City
9:30PM

Cocktails 9:30pm-3:00am, World Cup Semi-Finals 3:00am onwards
Open Bar P300.00

Lineup:
Anton Ramos of the Chillout Project
DJ Chip Dela Calzada
Martin Pulgar
DJ Owens Sun

Kung wala rin naman kayong ginagawa tomorrow night and feeling charitable kayo.... Go! Hahaha!

O pano guys, kita-kits!

- Stoked. -

Right time to go

2006-07-03T12:22:00.000+08:00

Photo: Associated Press

"I have lived the dream. I am extremely proud to have worn the armband and been captain of England and for that I will always be grateful." - David Beckham, July 2, 2006

David Beckham has decided to step down as captain of The Red Lions after holding the role for six years. This was the time to go - and he chose his moment perfectly.

- Sozzled. -

Yeah baby, yeah!

2006-07-02T17:20:00.000+08:00

Weeeeee!

Manny won by unanimous decision.

I won the bet.

I think I'll be having Jose tonight. Hehehe.

Now, who's up for a tequila shot?

- Stoked. -

The bitter and the sweet

2006-06-29T16:28:00.000+08:00

My buddy and I had just downed our usual Wednesday -night Johnny Black double neats and then he suddenly asked me:

“Tell me, Teepsee, could it have turned out any other way?”

Neither one of us have to explain. We both know what “it” means.

“Well, aside from the obvious reason….” [Laughs]

“No, seriously…”

“Maybe if I was older and more mature, things would have been different. I could have put more on the line. But, I’m not older and more mature, so I guess things happened precisely the way they were meant to.”

“Still angry?”

“Err, I don’t know. I’m not sure. Ask me again sometime, say, after a month.” [Laughs]

“Bitter ka pa rin. [Laughs]. Will you ever regret it?”

“Honestly, the pain almost killed me, but no, there’s nothing to regret. Best learning experience ‘yun eh, in a way, a blessing as well.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Hahaha! Well, y’know what? It was one of the most important events of my life. I won’t trade that experience for anything – not even for a happy ending.”

“Really now…”

“Wait, did I just say that?” [Laughs]

“That sounded smart…”

“Lasing ka lang…”

“No kaya, it came out naturally, it sounded…. Uhmm, what’s the word… Sincere. There."

“Well then... Yeah, not even for a happy ending …”

- These times are the worst. Damn it all to hell. *Sighs* -

Still Alive

2006-06-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

June, month eight.

Less self- destructive.

Still with catatonic tendencies.

I like the way Pink Floyd so greatly put it: comfortably numb.

That's exactly how I feel right now.

The worst has happened, what else could life throw in my face?

Next month, I'll probably still be half- insane.

But definitely, definitely, definitely - I'll still be here.

"Smiling face"

2006-06-23T17:15:00.000+08:00

One of the reasons why I ditched my mobile phone is because I don't want to be involved in a "nakakairitang pag- uusap" katulad ng ganito...

Guy: Nagbibiro lang ako nu'n...

Girl: Pa'no ko malalaman na nagbibiro ka lang nu'n, eh hindi mo naman nilagyan ng "U" na may umlaut sa dulo...

Guy: "U" na may umlaut?

Girl: Oo, yung "U" na may umlaut? Yung smiling face? At 'wag kang magpalusot na bulok ang model ng telepono mo't wala kang character na gano'n...

Guy: Wala nga...

Girl: Pwede ba...

Guy: Totoo, wala nga...

Girl: Eh 'di sana gumawa ka ng paraan, pwede namang "open parenthesis tapos colon" or "open parenthesis dash colon" kung gusto mong may ilong. (Hihirit yung guy) O,o,o, huwag mong sabihing wala ka pa rin nu'n...

Guy: Meron...

Girl: O, see? Wala akong paki kung jolog ang cellphone mo, ang akin lang sana gumawa ka ng paraan para hindi tayo nauuwi sa mga nakakairitang pag- uusap dahil ang labo mo!

Guy: Ang labo ko?! Tama na, kumakain tayo. (Pabulong) Ako pa'ng malabo...

Girl: Oo ikaw! Hindi ko malaman kung serious ka, galit o nagbibiro! Nasaktan ako nu'ng na- receive ko 'yung text dahil 'kala ko seryoso ka tapos ngayon sasabihin mong nagbibiro ka lang?

Guy: (Raises his voice) Eh sa wala nga ako nung "U" na may umlaut!

Girl: Ah basta, hindi ka gumawa ng paraan!

See what I mean? =p

All about lurrve!

2006-06-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

This was sent to me by a friend thru email, since wala akong ma- post, papatulan ko na 'to. Hahaha! I think I've read this somewhere though. I think it's from Tita K's old blog. Oh well, anyhoo....

Are you single, married, or taken?
Involved.

Are you in love at the moment?
Infatuated. So high school. Hahaha!

With?
*grins*

Have you ever had a bad relationship?
Oh yeah. But then I don't look at it as a bad experience, I look at it as a life experience.

How old were you when you started dating?
Serial dating, college.

Are you unpredictable?
Girls are unpredictable by nature.

Do you like surprises?
No, mahina ang puso ko eh. Hehehe. I like surprising people though. The looks on their faces are priceless.

You think friends can become lovers?
Been there, done that.

You think lovers can become friends?
They were people whom I was in contact with through a certain set of circumstances, and whom in any other set of circumstances I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. That happened, you move on.

Have you ever had an ex you wanted to kill?
Kill? No naman, Hampasin ng 2x2, marami.

How is she/he now?
He sent me an email a couple of days ago, he's in Boston na daw and will be having a baby by the end of the year. I was like, "Eh ano ngayon sa akin, tinatanong ko ba?" The nerve.

What is your message for him/her?
Dude, get over yourself.

Have you ever been hurt?
Who doesn't?

Have you ever hurt anyone?
Unfortunately, yeah.

Do you forgive and forget?
Forget muna, tapos let's see kung mapatawad kita.

Is love lovelier the second time around?
Angela Bofill, is that you?

Fling or long term relationships?
Err, next!

Are you easy to be loved?
My mum says I'm lovable daw.

Are you a good friend?
Hmm, seasonal friend ako eh. Go figure.

Are you sociable?
Depends on my mood.

Do you try to please everyone?
I'm willing to please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but I ain't gonna please all of the people all of the time.

Do you want everyone to like you?
No.

What's the shortest relationship you've been in?
A month.

What would you want to say to that special person?
Thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do, for the negative d*ckheads just like you.

Sayang... ?

2006-06-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

Say you've been discussing wedding arrangements with your fiancee for the past three months. And all of a sudden, he doesn't want to even know you anymore. You cannot, for the life of you figure out why, until he tells you it's because he found out that you're no longer a virgin.

"What difference does it make?" You ask. "I'm still the same person you wanted to marry."

"No, you aren't," says your fiancee. "I want to marry someone pure and good, someone I can be proud of as the mother of my children."

As a right thinking, "nonsense- annihilating" woman of today, you should have the strength to reply "Listen, you son of a b*tch, I'm still pure and good. And I will be a great mum to my kids, except that no way will they be yours, now that I realize what an idiot you are!"

Or perhaps not.

Many of you would beg your fiancees' forgiveness, reassuring them that it was only that one time when you made a "horrible mistake" of sleeping with somebody else and that you certainly won't do it again. And if he can manage to overlook this, then you will be the best wife and mother in the whole wide world.

And you know what? If you were lucky, he would say no. He would continue to be close- minded and self- righteous. Then you would have gotten over him far more quickly, rather than -heaven forbid!- you marry him on his terms, just because he was gracious enough to "forgive" your transgressions. Because if you did marry him, you would spend the rest of your married life trying to make up for your transgression.

Sayang, when you could be a gorgeous, glorious bride instead of an apologetic, grateful one. Sayang, when you could be screaming in ecstasy in bed together instead of crying alone in your bed. Sayang, when all because you didn't bother to examine his secret (and unfortunately common) hypothesis that a non- virgin is to be rejected instead of loved for who she is - or that a non- virgin can be a wife, but only if she never forgets her place.

But the most important factor in this scenario is your failure to examine and re- evaluate your own unfortunate hypothesis: that being married to a Neanderthal like that is better than not being married at all.

- Snookums, should've told you this personally. Sorry, chicken talaga ako eh. Was afraid that you might hurl the Cuervo bottle at me. Hehehe. Seriously, think about it. Hugs. -

I know, I know this one's so shallow

2006-06-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

I got this from Inday's blog. I was laughing my ass off after reading this:

thanks to benj, rhon, el, kassey, teepsee and clueless for leavinged me a comments. It is a very nice part of you. You are all touch me so very deeply. Lol.

Now I’m answer your questions or comments:

Teepsee - You are gived to me a best compliments because you are called me a “miracles”. You touch me so well. (Don’t urine)

Inday, isa ka talagang himala!

Hahaha! Laugh trip.

Close, closer, closest

2006-06-14T17:09:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, after a couple of glasses of Vodka - Red Bull, popped a pill, Bonnie Bailey was singing, thoughts running through my head....

"'Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side..."

I used to think that the intimacy we shared was all a lie.

"And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride..."

But I realize now that whatever it was we had then was special and real at that time.

" I still believe in ever after with you..."

At one point, I guess, I have to stop asking questions and just be happy for that moment.

"You are my twisted sunshine."

I can listen to it now over and over again without saltwater coming from my eyes.

Talk about progress, dude.

Ego A Go Go

2006-06-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

Where were you when you stole my pride?
Did you ever get the feeling that someone died
Hide away in your ivory tower
And cover me in your golden shower

Did I make you laugh when I played the clown?
And was I the dog that bit you when you put it down
Break it nicely break it slow
Break it so I've got no place to go

Ego a go go now you've gone solo
Living on a memory
Where've you been lately?
And do you still hate me
Could you offer an apology?

And here's another thing....

Where were you when the party ended?
Were you stitching up the wounds that you thought I need mending
Wonderlands have crashed to the ground
The circus is gone all that's left is the clowns

Did I break your heart when I stole your thunder?
Was there woodworm in the table your feet are under?
Break it nicely break it slow
Break it until I've got no place to go

Turn away
Fade to grey
I hope you've strayed
And got laid!

Shameless Plugging 2 details

2006-06-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

TOKYO DISCO // TOKYO PROJECT

Featuring Mark Doyle (The man who developed the Hed Kandi label) & Bonnie Bailey (Yes, the voice behind the uber gasgas na hit "Ever After") on live vocals
with Anton Ramos (The Chill Out Project Series)
June 10, 2006 * World Trade Center * 9PM till late

VIP Tables: 10k & 12K for 8 pax & 2 Bottles of Vodka

Pls call 7238673 or 7262523, look for Tess & Jonah

Ticket Prices: Php800 // Pre-selling @ Php600 available at:
Folded & Hung, Music One, Tower Records & O Music Stores and Blue Facets Jewelry Unit 216 2nd Floor, The Jewellery Arcade Greenhills Shopping Center 1502 San Juan, Metro Manila

O pano, kita-kits!

Shameless Plugging 2

2006-05-24T23:56:00.000+08:00

For the Chicane Gig: PLEASE COME EARLY AS ENTRY IS SUBJECT TO VENUE CAPACITY. SHOW WILL START AT 1.30AM. PERFORMANCE IS APPROXIMATELY 80MINS (AS ALWAYS, IN ALL THEIR PERFORMANCES ALL OVER THE WORLD.)

Anyhoo, after that, eto naman...

Tokyo Project featuring DJ Mark Doyle with Bonnie Bailey on vocals
June 10, 2006 / World Trade Center

Shameless Plugging

2006-05-19T10:47:00.000+08:00

The long wait is finally over!

BIGFISH brings back CHICANE to Manila!
Live at the World Trade Center on May 27!

Be there!
For tickets and VIP reservations, Pls call 7262523 // 7238673

For more info, visit http://www.bigfishmanila.com

Almost wicked getaway

2006-05-12T12:19:00.000+08:00

"Did anything wicked in Boracay?" asked a friend after I got back from a long overdue ("Last December pa dapat 'yan ah!"), much needed (to get my dose of sensory pleasure and serenity), fly- in, fly- out stay in the beach bum's paradise.

I watched the sunset twice - which was nice (like sunsets everywhere, those in Bora are sad and sweet). I barhopped, but had only two bottles of beer and four shots of tequila - which was shameful (a relapse, for I was still undergoing therapy and not really allowed to drink alcohol for the next six months). I got to meet Jude himself, bartending at his own bar (the ever popular, Hey Jude!) - which was cool. I had a blanket of stars hug my tipsy (ehem) self - which was wonderful (background music from Hedkandi and The Ministry Of Sound, sandcastles built by the kids being lighted up). I made a couple of new girl and guy pals - which was great (good thing I was in my element that night, totally feeling sociable).

All together, they won't make wicked. As if something's missing, and I'm not sure what is it. But since I was able to leave my belligerent baggages at home, I was more than happy.

Hmm, I'm beginning to wonder, what will my next visit be like? One thing's for sure, the next time I'm going, I'll be truly wicked.

Wish

2006-05-09T18:04:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

I think I can say that now, without going crazy.

If only I could spend atleast ten minutes with you, this day would be perfect.

*sighs*

Go away 2005!

2006-01-01T14:12:00.000+08:00

My 2006 will definitely be bigger and better than last year.

Wait for me, Embassy's door b*tch! Hahaha! =p

Happy new year kids!

- Will blog more later -

Clueless

2005-12-29T17:15:00.000+08:00

"Got tired". Damn.

Nagising ako dun ah.

I've been honest about things,

When I don't like something, I make sure the person concerned knows that.

"I don't like this, I don't like that. I don't like you."

The thing is,

I felt I wasn't treated the same honest way.

That's what I feel bitter about.

Plus, there's that phrase "constructive dismissal".

Always springs into my mind.

Was I sacked or did I resign on my own?

Enlighten me.

But then again,

Why do I still bother? Why do I still care?

I have no frickin' idea.

I still don't get it, honestly.

Am I really that stupid or just plain dumb?

Or maybe, I'm just too nice.

Hah.

- Bear with me as I ramble on. It's just one of those days. -

It's the season to be jolly...

2005-12-27T15:54:00.000+08:00

teepsee: hey ****, happy holidays! :D

soulmate: merry christmas din

After two years of not speaking to each other, THAT made my day.

God, I'm so happy. Sheeshh.

To Everyone, Happy holidays! =)

Killing Me

2005-12-12T11:04:00.000+08:00

I don't mind the abuse
It fills in time
When I'm not much used
But it's killing me, killing me slowly

They all say I'm too restless,
But words cut deep
When you're defenceless
And they're killing me, but killing me slowly

There was a time when we were fine
And I could tolerate you
I do believe that you should leave, 'cause I've grown to hate you
Should I be weak and turn my cheek 'cause I'm scared to fall?
But I just don't know you
And you don't know me at all

I've been told that love's a celebration
But I've lost faith through frustration
And it's killing me, but killing me slowly

You paint my picture black
The joke's on me and I don't want to laugh
Remember the good times,
Won't you bring them back someday, somehow

I don't mind feeling blue
If I could smile just like you do
And it's killing me, killing me slowly

I can't go on alone
Pretending nothing's wrong
Maybe I just want to belong
Somewhere, somehow, somehow...

Famous Last Words

2005-12-03T14:36:00.000+08:00

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
"Love is so intrusive," I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly

Famous last words, "I'm not ready yet"
"I won't be gone a minute"

Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting

Famous last words,
"If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?"

I was in love,
In love

You say you heard every word,
I watched you turn away
You were only waiting....

Questions

2005-12-01T16:37:00.000+08:00

We didn't think it'd last beyond summer
I met her father, she met my mother
We didn't have anywhere else to go
She said to me,
"When we grow older, will we still need young love on our shoulders?"

Now, I wonder
"Does it just fade away?
Will we ever know?"

She touched my face and called me her saviour
I never thought that I'd need another

Your cool suburban sun
You're foolin' every one
You win some, you lose some....

- Just being cheeky. Go figure =) -

War Of Nerves

2005-11-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

More than angry words
I hate this silence
It's getting so loud

Well, I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions

It's getting hard to breathe
So, tell me isn't happiness worth more than a platinum Charriol ring?

I'm willing to do anything
To calm the storm in my heart

I've never been the praying kind
But lately I've been down upon my knees

I'm not looking for a miracle
Just a reason to believe....

Decieving Is Believing

2005-11-20T19:09:00.000+08:00

I'm much too young to be cynical,

It's you that makes me miserable

Can you tell a lie through a smile?

Sinking

2005-11-17T04:31:00.000+08:00

It's not my problem anymore
You see it never really was
So you can stop "caring" as you call it
And I'll be fine right here

You see that I can play a pretty convincing role
So I don't need you,
I don't think I need you

But you see through my forever lies
And you are not believing
And I see in your forever eyes
That you are forever healing

You can't hear what I'm not saying
And I can hold out long enough
Treading water I keep from sinking
I'm not one for reaching

Deny myself, deny my heart
Deny your hand, deny your help
And you offer me eternity but why should I buy that?

Devil Inside

2005-11-13T19:28:00.001+08:00

Everybody wants me to be their angel
Everybody wants something they can cradle
They don't know I burn

Maybe there's a devil, or something like it, inside of me
There's a devil, somewhere really deep inside me

You don't know 'cause you're too busy reading labels
You're missing all the action underneath my table
I'm waiting for my turn

Time to make it burn
This is how I burn...

No Regrets

2005-11-05T21:07:00.000+08:00

Tell me a story
Where we all change
And we'd live our lives together
And not enstranged

I didn't lose my mind it was mine to give away
Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away

No regrets, they don't work
No regrets, they only hurt
Sing me a love song, drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine

I know from the outside
We looked good for each other
Felt things were going wrong when
You didn't like my mother
I don't want to hate but that's all you've left me with
A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy of how we all could live

I know they're still talking
The demons in your head
If I could just stop hating you
I'd feel sorry for us instead

Remember the photographs insane
The ones where we all laughed so lame
We were having the time of our lives
Well thank you, it was a real blast

Everything I wanted to be
Everytime I walked away
Everytime you told me to leave, I just wanted to stay
Every time you looked at me and everytime you smiled
I felt so vacant you treated me like a child

I loved the way we used to laugh
I loved the way we used to smile
Often I sit down and think of you for a while
Then it passes me by, I think of someone else instead
I guess the love we once had is officially dead...

Words

2005-11-03T12:48:00.000+08:00

Do I still feel jealousy when you're free without me?
Maybe
Do I still feel that my love will stay with you forever?
Hopefully

You surround yourself with trinkets like they're meaningful possessions
Like some squirrel in the garden with expensive permutations,
They'll outlive you in the end, will be your final realisation

As we search our lives forever for perfection in relations
I can dream of love and scheme of love with all its complications,
Ideals are fine for beauty but for love they fool relations

I'm leaving, I'm moving on...

I Shall Believe

2005-11-02T13:37:00.000+08:00

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe, I shall believe...

So Far Away

2005-11-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

In the coldest time of year, darkness all around my heart

I was alone but didn't fear, to wander in the light of stars

In the bright and silent night, winds would knock and disappear

Still I felt the feeling near, like the first time you were ever here

You're so far away, so far away, you left me, you told me you would stay

You never said goodbye, and I keep asking why, I keep on asking how, come unto me now

I have breathed the morning air, I have heard the four winds blow

I was weary but prepared to follow down this lonely road

In the room where lovers sleep, winds would knock and disappear

Still I felt the music near, like the first time we were ever here....

- It's time to place your bets in life, I've played the loser's game of life. I'll just dream about the sun... -

I Really Hope

2005-10-31T16:51:00.000+08:00

I've been down this road before
Now I'm coming back for more

Into the night we went to sleep
You and I were meant for keeps
Into the night we went to play, you and I

So beware of the pitfall
We don't have to change at all
And our light will not burn out
It's what freedom's all about

I really hope that we'll always be here,
I really hope that you'll always be near
Take me and break me, I'll always be here

I really hope we'll always stay, so attached this way...

Next time I'll be perfect...

2005-10-29T14:09:00.000+08:00

I've been listening to this song for the past few days.
I'm trying to keep up with all that's been happening.
I still can't help but wonder if I wasn't good enough for you.
I love you. Always have, always will.

Perfect - Smashing Pumpkins

I know we’re just like old friends
We just can’t pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can’t help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you’re just like me
Next time I promise we’ll be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was...

Angel, you know it’s not the end
We’ll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You’ll see, I promise we’ll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we’re so free
We promised that we’d be
Perfect...

I Thought You Knew

2005-10-28T15:37:00.000+08:00

You were my once in a lifetime
Happy ending come true
I guess I should have told you
But I thought you knew

You said I took you for granted
Last thing I would do
I'll never understand it
'Cause I thought you knew

I thought you knew
My world revolved around you
My love light burns for you alone
But you couldn't see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should have known

A heart full of words left unspoken
Now that we're through
I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken
I thought you knew...

Blue Monday

2004-12-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

I can't get emote to try and tell you,

All the love that I have.

Am I ever gonna make it happen?

So many ways that I can thank you,

But you know that I'm here and no-one else in this world will matter.

I'm blue, blue like a Monday morning,

It's true, it's you that's got me yearning.

Because I'm blue. Nobody knows that I'm blue.

Your Eyes

2004-12-01T08:19:00.000+08:00

When I look at you I fumble,

My confidence takes a tumble.

But when I look into your eyes,

I just crumble.

'Cause I know that it's you that my heart burns for,

That it's you that I'm yearning for.

Who's to know where time will lead us now?

I can't believe this is happening.

Well, I'm not scared, I'm just wondering how

I want to see your eyes, I want to make it right....

Win Some, Lose Some

2004-11-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

I didn't know what we had found,

Just caught the bus and rode it to town

You wouldn't notice anything else but me

Now that you believe,

We can fly away

Somewhere safe

I know that you will always be

Giving more than you take...

After 34 Days

2004-11-06T09:23:00.000+08:00

Well, it all seems out of reach
I will take the blame if it keeps the peace.

My shelf-life's short
Wish they'd make it more easy to follow.

And I've been caught with nothing but,
Love on my mind.

We are love, don't let it fall on deaf ears.

Now it's clear,
We have seen heaven from here....

And all that matters is....

2004-11-03T07:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I am

Sailing on a sunken dream.

I try to read the signs

But don't know what they mean.

All I know is, when I'm with you

I'm a rich kid, baby.

Fifth Monday

2004-11-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

Caught in your eyes.

Lost in your name.

I will never be the same....

The message....

2004-10-31T13:40:00.000+08:00

"I love you....

If you continue to hold me near,

Indeed, we will see heaven from here......"

Heaven From Here

2004-10-28T06:49:00.000+08:00

Know no fear, I'll still be here tomorrow,
Bend my ear I'm not gonna go away.

You, I love, so why do you shed a tear?
Know no fear, you will see heaven from here.

I'll shelter you, make it alright to cry
And you'll help too because the faith in myself has run dry.

We are love, and I want to hold you near,
Know no fear, we will see heaven from here.

I see real love in your eyes,
And it fills me up when you start to cry.

I just want to hold you near,
We will see heaven from here....

Good Conversation

2004-09-23T15:31:00.000+08:00

Everybody’s so mixed-up about love these days
Everybody’s trying to work it out in different ways
I don’t really need to know your aspirations
What I need from you is good conversation
To put my mind at ease

An old friend called the other day
Wasn’t quite sure what to say
Didn’t seem to know me anymore
Then I said,
“Don’t treat me like I’m someone new, I’m still the same one you used to talk to.”
But all I need from you friend, is good conversation
To put my mind at ease

Though it seems as if the world has come between us
And our lives don’t look the same
Though in the past you have shared all my happiness
Will you be there to share the pain?

Everyday I’m surrounded by a million voices from the sky
And they all have the same thing to say
Now what I need is something new
Is it something you can do?
To share in that kind of good conversation
That puts my mind at ease

Is it my imagination?
Can you see my frustration?
I don’t need this admiration
But I’m trying to be patient
All I’m looking for is good conversation

Is it my imagination?
Could this be my destination?
What I’m looking for is good conversation
All I’m asking for is good conversation
To put my mind at ease

Bloody Tuesday

2004-09-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Realized something.

You pushed me once too far again.

I may perplex, but I'm not blind.

Taken for granted now.

Smell of regret.

I'm speechless, can't speak.

I'm lost for words.

"I love you" is not enough.

There is nothing real between you and me.

Karma Killer

2004-09-13T17:36:00.000+08:00

Note to self:

I told you it would come to this, but it seems you wouldn't listen. Tsk.

Hmm...

2004-09-13T17:28:00.000+08:00

Past three weeks, turbulent.

I’m doing just fine, I think.

I can still make people smile, hmm, good.

Friends, check.

---- After the rain has fallen, after the tears have washed your eyes,
you’ll find that I’ve taken nothing, and that love can’t be replaced in a blink of an eye. ----

Tender...

2004-08-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

Today's Thursday.

I don't feel so good.

I should be happy.

I should be in love.

But, I'm not.

Really, I need to find someone who can heal my mind.

Movie movie!

2004-08-18T22:17:00.000+08:00

Go see M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village". It'll blow ya away.
Adrien Brody's acting kicks ass. Yun lang.

If you can't beat 'em,, join 'em...

2004-08-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

Yep, that's right, my very own blog. It'll be quite diff'rent from the other blogs you've visited. Mine will be full of nonsense one-liners, ridiculous ideas and maybe, just maybe, plausible thoughts.

So kick back, relax and let my words somehow move you.

---- I'm not a writer nor a poet. A sarcastic comic, that's me -- It's what I do best. ----

You know you're in love when....

2004-08-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

You are in love when...

You pretend to ignore that person...
But when that someone is not around, you look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

When your phone rings or your mobile phone beeps and you hope it's him/ her.
Then, you're in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine
because of one message from that special someone,you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you cannot avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.

/me sighs... rainy days.. rainy days.. lalalala

sighs

2004-08-15T14:32:00.000+08:00

rainy days brings out the best and worst in me.. 'nuff said...