Effing mood
I know, I'm in a mess, a liability.At one level, you could say that I successfully dropped my super- clean character by getting a drink and drug problem. But at another, it was obvious that this was not part of any kind of strategy; as I’d pop my head up from beneath the bar table and garble something incoherent. My buddies knew I was a sad girl, pretending to be a girl, really because when I was sober, I was a sensitive vulnerable individual.
When I smash things up, there is usually a reason. When you find me wandering around your house at six in the morning on various cocktails of drugs, there is usually a reason too. It’s not just because I wanted to party, often it’s because I’ve snapped under the strain, and maybe even disturbed.
From the outside it’s easy to see; “spoilt, pampered kid throwing wobbler” but I’m hearing alarm bells. There’s a difference between a prat acting like a rockstar, and a sensitive person going into meltdown. To the outsider like you, it may look the same: the archetypal egomaniacal bitch having her daily tantrum. But actually dude, there’s a difference.
Y’see, when I’m half- pickled, it helps me survive and it stops me addressing the real issues.
So, please man, let me be.
I appreciate the efforts but no, you can’t save me.
- Chacun à son gout -
posted by teepsee @ 11:49 PM
6 Comments:
To the outsider like you, it may look the same: the archetypal egomaniacal bitch having her daily tantrum. But actually dude, there’s a difference.
I love this line. I've felt the same way. sometimes, you just want to be alone and any effort from any body is useless. I feel like exploding and breaking down. only you can make it right.
I know, I'm in a mess, a liability.
My buddies knew I was a sad girl, pretending to be a girl, really because when I was sober, I was a sensitive vulnerable individual.
So, please man, let me be.
I just have to give it to you for putting down what I've been trying to scream all this time. You got it out in words.
Kudos.
ok ka lang po ba?
sabihin mo lang
kung kailangan mo
ng something o someone.
heehee.
deep...
there is after all, reason behind every aspect about one's behavior. psychology explains that a certain event in the past may have triggered a particular behavior that gives an individual some form of relief. thus, habits form.
_______________________________
thanks for visiting. yeah sure, let's link each other up. i find your entries very interesting :)
the "toilet theater" is actually just a blog for random thoughts... my main blog is:
http://natalisms.blogspot.com
i'll link you up at this site :)
feel free to visit either.
hope to hear more from you...
~ nat (http://toilettheater.blogspot.com)
jigs: salamat at naka-relate ka naman. hehehe. kala ko, i'l regret posting this.
jae: have to release all the bad vibes na eh. baka lalo ako masiraan. hahaha.
xienah: bibigay mo sa akin if ever sabihin ko sa 'yo kung ano gusto ko? hahaha. kidding. thanks sa pagdaan :)
reych: sh*t? hahaha :p
doc nat: sabi nga nung doctor, disturbed daw ako. oh well. haha. linked you up already :)
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